The Brokeman's guide Blog

 

You see before I rock this, I want to let you that the days of the Gucci shades, the throwbacks and the in season gear is behind me. I tell let kids and people there is nothing cool about me, and I couldn’t do the stanky leg if my life depended on it, I could do the stanky toe and that’s only because I’m double jointed in my toe. Right. I don’t own any fly gear none, I don’t know what’s fly anymore nor can afford if I wanted to be. It’s just a little poser if I did at this point, because really you look at it, why not start a trend rather than be smack dab in the middle of it. That’s why I’m bringing back the basketball head band, throw back to will Ferrell’s movie that was so funny where he was the tropics, I only caught a little bit of it. I know I’m going to see a bunch of kids with the hair band, the funniest person I know that where’s one is the kat what’s name from my mom’s work. He looks like an old woody harleson out of that movie where he was on the tropics right. But let me get out of my style, because I would rock the white tee’s, wife beaters and light colored button down if I could afford it and because I’m easy like Sunday morning. I would rock a suit, with a bright big pink tie, to support breast cancer and also because I like pink and purple that shits dope right, but let me stop before I get on a wild rampage. I was sooooo proud of my pink tie, it was a Steve Harvey tie but it could have been made from plastic I didn’t care I loved that tie. But if I ever did have a job again or was working I’d still look at my pocket book.

1)If you’re like me and don’t like to spend money go to cheap drink nights, man are you kidding me I did not know a multimillion dollar bar. They have dollar Monday’s and Tuesday’s what, and you like smart dropping a dollar tip, because its double the asking price from the bartender. So you don’t look cheap, and you get drinks. You get torn up for under 20 bucks and that’s even pushing it.

2)Find the local drinks- In Boston they have this drink that’s called the Brewbaker, if you’re from there dopest drink under a dollar at the store. At the bar for example, Our House two fifty. Do you know how drunk I was my first couple of summers I was spending more on my food and I was shopping as cheap as I am now crazy. Like there is an At&t girl that I walk by and I’m like dude you must have a cousin because that girl could drink and drink Brewbakers. I always have to take a second look.

3)Get cool with the Bartenders- God that’s the understatement millennium. Duh, god you see a lot of bars in Houston have camera’s but if you’re an older city like Boston or Hartford or even Cali- parts that I went to, there aren’t any camera’s. And if you tell the bartender to remember you when your making money, don’t say it like that, but be like hey you’re a cool bartender remember me, they will and they’ll hook you up. You’ll buy a coke and rum get a shot of Patron and walk out of there spending 5 bucks and that’s just on tip. That was and has been my experience. You know? It’s always been like that for me. And trust me if you met me, you’d be like how did this old man get away with this for so long, and I’m only 26, but I act 60. Unless she’s really hot, they probably won’t forget you because the tip is the most important factor. You drop a twenty on a ten dollar tab, that’s twenty dollars not pesos, and come in there one day, they will probably get you the first round. Human nature, you take care of those who take care of you.

4) Don’t go to spot with dress codes- Are you kidding me? Hats and a polo okay you can understand, but dress codes with button downs, come on kid your just looking for pocketbook trouble.

 5)Throw House parties- The beauty of a house party is that you buy two kegs of crap, you get drunk and you make your money back on it. Charge for the cups. Duh. My boy Kuba was the king of House Parties, I’d just show up and it would be going down every night. And trust me if your sketchy like me, you can just show up to house parties and be like hey you guys were making nose, so we just showed up. That’s how I re-met Kuba in the first place, me and my boy mike were partying at the crib and I was like man I’m not going to be able to sleep, unless I go next door and tell them to stop. Ten Minutes later, I’m doing keg stand, that’s the truth. If your not the life of the party like I’m not, but can’t blend in either right? You’ve got to be doing something right, if you were able to afford rent, save cash in hand and couldn’t remember a couple of years out of your life. The craziest thing, I used to tell my boy Ray Anco about it, we worked at Crunch Fitness together, I’d be like these crazy people won’t let me shut the store down or be in here manning the desk but they’ll let me go to there House Parties. That was the craziest thing, because that’s your stuff not the bosses stuff, right. So yeah that’s the truth. The other thing about Boston Based, Hartford based and Cali-based house parties that I went to, right, the craziest thing was that you’d party with people that you’d never know would meet? The craziest person I partied with was Al tall lanky Al, he worked in the kitchen at Trinity, he was cooler than the other side of the pillow. I’ve got a story about a house party, tells you about Human nature, my boy Jay, went with me to a house party right, I was with some random female on the top of the fourth floor, he’ll tell the same story, I was there for 2 hours right, it was about negative ten degrees and we were near the roof. I come back down stairs he looks at me the party is poppin, right? He was like I was going to leave you here, in a mumbling voice. I looked at him bluntly and I was like no you weren’t stop lying. Your true boys won’t leave you at a house party, cause they know what you’re up to, duh, right? They won’t leave you there, the walk was close but man was it cold. That’s the thing about human nature, you can deny it, but you know they are going to be there. I don’t run with any kids from Boston anymore because I’m not in Boston.
6) Know who you are partying with. A group of graduate students from M. I. T. are not going to party hard all weekend, like a group of undergrads from Boston University. You’ve got to know, and don’t let the collegiate status lie, Harvard Business Grads can throw down for one night, like another people. You just got to the company and context. If they are from money or value having a good time more importantly than saving money, they will usually comp your drinks. That was retarded how much that happened to me because of the company I was in or what I did for them. Plus a girl from Ireland that’s not working, only there to drink and have a great time is probably going to have a fun time longer than some kids that are going to school up there, and she’ll probably pay for it.
7) Know who not to bring to certain parties. Most kids and people such as myself growing up were pretty mellowed out, when it came to House parties, I wasn’t the one in the middle yelling, nah, I was the kid with a cup in the back. Try to make eye contact with a female to talk to. Hey that was just me. But I wouldn’t have brought my roommates Jeff and Rodney to a teen party, because they were crazy. It wasn’t there age, those guys would beat up their own boys for no reason. Man, so when we threw house parties with the neighbors we didn’t say shit to them, because they were my roommates, I had to let them come. No, but I wasn’t like let’s go party at some random BU party. Because I would have to cut for them and if they broke someone’s nose I’d have to cut for them. You might understand the lingo, but cut for someone is to vouch for them.
8)Go to cheap specialized bars, in Houston its different they aren’t any real Irish people here. Maybe one or two. They might live it, but they don’t bleed it. Irish bars are the best way to get drunk on real beer for under whatever your trying to spend. And drink the beers that are specialized to the bar, for example I went to a bar off of Bissonett, behind the Burger King. I was coerced to go right, because that’s worse than gun’s point really, but I had Jamaican beer. Would I go back, I liked the dancehall and reggae but, but nothing if I were working I’d probably go back. But I ended up spending less than buying Bud Light.
9) Be the bartender at a party, you won’t make any money, but you probably don’t have to pay any money to drink.
10) You see the loud music, and banging music, has left me. Right, but when spots do local band nights, and who was a local band that was famous in Boston, Drop Kick Murphy’s, they used to shows for free and the owner to show love would drop the drinks ridiculously low.